... and how I actually convinced my mom to buy me one.
I’ve been watching many movies lately. Well, not that I didn’t watch movies before. You see, I work at a video rental business. As part of my extensive employee benefits package that includes such fantastic things as getting paid minimum wage and receiving a thrilling congratulations letter marking the end of my first year there (no bonus, no party, just a letter), I also have access to free rentals.
Recently, I’ve found myself watching many a movie involving samurais and ninjas and their swords, (Kill Bill Vol. 1, The Last Samurai, etc) and I must say, I’ve caught the samurai sword fever. Fortunately for me, the disease is not fatal, and the only symptom is a lapse in concentration because of thinking about Samurai swords all day.
So naturally, with my birthday only a few months away, I professed my desire of a samurai sword to my mother. She, of course, was skeptical and responded with the typical mother question, “Why, on earth, do you need a samurai sword?”
This got me thinking, “Why do I need a samurai sword? I’m not a samurai, nor do I know how to use one of their swords. I have no enemies that need to be chopped into tiny bits, and even if I tried using it on, perhaps, a watermelon or some other soft fruit, I’d probably screw up and somehow end up cutting off my arm.” I soon realized that I would get nowhere thinking this way, and my mother was still awaiting my reply, so I decided to turn things around on her.
“Why DON’T I need a samurai sword?” I asked my mother. She looked at like I had just told her I was Superman, only without the pants. “Dave, stop kidding around. Just give me one good reason why you want a sword, and I will gladly give it to you,” she asked me. I didn’t know what to say, so I just responded with the first thing that came to mind.
“Because it’s just a generally cool thing to have,” I said. She didn’t respond, so I decided to explain a little further. “How many things have you had in your life that are unique and cool and not many other people would think to have one? This samurai sword is one of those things to me. It’s like a Barry Bonds rookie card or a baseball signed by Babe Ruth, only it’s sharp and made out of steel.”
I don’t know where it is, but somewhere in that last quote of mine is at least one good reason for getting a samurai sword because my mom said yes. Now, I won’t be too quick to jump the gun on this samurai sword business because, in the past, my mom has consented to get me something for my birthday (a BB gun, a walkman, my own personal island off the coast of Australia) only to replace it with an electric toothbrush. She has a habit of doing that kind of thing, so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. However, in the meantime, if any of you readers out there feel compelled to buy me a samurai sword or maybe even multiple samurai swords, I strongly encourage you to do so. You can never have too many samurai swords! I have plenty of space in my closet to store them all if it comes to that. I can put them in there right next to my paintball gun, my boombox, and all the other birthday presents I requested but never used.