and it could be after me next...
I’m not a big fan of organized religion. I never have been, and because of some bad experiences, I probably never will be. Nonetheless, organized religion has never really bothered me. My philosophy on life has always been “if people want to partake in something, let them as long as it doesn’t infringe upon my desires,” and religion has never gotten in my philosophy’s way. Until now, that is. Now, religion has taken control of my family and home, and quite frankly, it’s starting to piss me off.
Not long ago, my parents joined a new church, a Presbyterian one, which, in my opinion, is the same as any other Christian church except with more booze. Anyway, I didn’t really care about them switching churches because I didn’t go to church in the first place. Things were alright for a while until my parents started asking that I come to church with them.
As I said before, I’m not a fan of organized religion, so I declined their offer. However, they kept insisting that I come along, trying to lure me in with talk of a “different message” and “more spiritual experience.” Eventually, I went along, hoping they would stop pestering me if I went and feeling a bit curious about this "better church." Well, the service was just like those of all the other churches I’ve been to except there were fewer people and the pastor was cooler than the ones I was used to. But, that’s about it. Naturally, I never went back there again.
However, that isn’t to say that I didn’t see my fair share of religion afterwards. By some stroke of fate, religion decided to come find ME for a change. I started seeing the Presbyterian pastor coming over to my house all the time to hang out with my parents. Soon, bible studies were being held at my house nearly every other day. The entire small church congregation began regularly stopping by my house to talk Jesus and religion while I stay locked in my bedroom.
Now, it’s gotten to the point where I might as well dub my house as the first Presbyterian temple. Right now, as I type this, a herd of middle-school Presbyterian girls congregates in my backyard talking about whatever the hell it is they talk about while the ever popular bible study meets in my living room (where the TV is) and the hyperactive sons of the bible study members destroy my basement. They have effectively trapped me in my room, leaving me with absolutely nothing to do but furiously write like a madman.
I wouldn’t have that much of a problem with the religious crowding of my home if it weren’t for two reasons. First, these people show up in the most inconvenient and sometimes bizarre times. Imagine coming home from work and wanting to relax in front of the TV for the night, but you can’t because the living room is occupied by dozens of strangers talking about Jesus. Even worse, imagine waking up at noon after a fantastic night of sleep, and the first thing you see is dozens of people YOU DON’T KNOW swimming, splashing, even diving in your pool. Kind of freaky.
My second reason why I have a problem with these people is that they dismiss me as the “heathen” and never let me defend my views. I partook in their bible club twice; the first time I made logical argument about the validity of the bible and they overlooked it saying, “that’s not important.” The second time we read a story in the bible, and I interpreted it a different way than what was commonly accepted. Again, I was ignored. I stopped attending the bible club after that.
The transfer of power in my household was so swift and precise that I didn’t even notice anything was wrong until it was all over. Religion dominates all now. I’d better get used to being the “heathen” of the household. I think I ought to take up smoking and learn how to ride a motorcycle.